It was 11 p.m., and I was furious.
I’d spent the past three hours sending increasingly frustrated messages to a former student, trying to track down samples that had mysteriously disappeared. We were 24 hours from a manuscript deadline and suddenly nobody knew where critical samples were, labels were missing or illegible, and some tissue had been ruined because it wasn’t stored properly.
My entire team was scrambling through slide boxes and what passed for lab records. I knew we had those samples. And all I could think was: Why am I the only one who cares about doing this right? Why aren’t people following the standards we set? Why didn’t anyone speak up sooner?
I’m German. When I’m frustrated and angry, people get the message VERY clearly.
But here’s what haunted me the next morning: This wasn’t who I wanted to be as a leader.
Just two weeks earlier, I’d facilitated a beautiful team meeting where we did mindset work together. We shared our deepest challenges. We laughed. We connected. I felt like the kind of PI I’d always imagined being (supportive, visionary, someone who truly cared about developing the whole person, not just the scientist).
Now I was the PI firing off angry messages at 11 p.m., making judgments about people’s competence, operating from a place of blame and frustration.
One of my trainees later told me that he never exactly knew what to expect when he entered my office. Another gave me feedback that there seemed to be a disconnect between how we interacted in person versus in writing. (It’s always easier to be frustrated with people in writing, isn’t it?)
The gap between who I wanted to be and who showed up under stress felt uncomfortably, embarrassingly wide.
If you’ve ever felt this way (like you become someone you don’t recognize when things go wrong), you’re not broken. You’re human. And there’s fascinating neuroscience that explains exactly why this happens.
The Four Characters Living Inside Your Brain
For decades, we thought of the brain in simple terms: left brain = logical, right brain = creative. But neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor (who famously experienced a massive stroke that gave her an unprecedented view into how her brain actually works) discovered something far more nuanced about how our emotions and thinking work together.
Here’s what we now know ( I apologize to you circuit neuroscientists about the simplifications. Hit reply and let me know if I need to update the Bolte Taylor model to make it more precise): Each side of your brain (hemisphere) has both a thinking “module” in the cerebral cortex and an emotional module in the limbic system. Each one of those four modules functions quite differently. So the left brain/right brain idea was roughly on the right track, it’s just too simple.
Plus, and this is key for your leadership: We are NOT fixed either left-brain or right-brain dominant. You can take control. But more about that later…
Bolte Taylor talks about four distinct “characters” represented by these four modules, each with its own personality, skill set, and way of responding to the world.
- Your left thinking module (Character 1) drives your organized, analytical, detail-focused personality — it thinks in language, processes linearly, focuses on past and future, and creates structure. This is your individual “me” consciousness.
- Your right thinking module (Character 4) is your big-picture, holistic, present-moment awareness — it thinks in images and experiences, seeks connections and similarities, and focuses on “we” rather than “me.” This is where compassion and openness to possibilities live.
- Your left emotional module (Character 2) is your inner protector — it stores past pain, generates fear and caution, and reacts quickly to perceived threats. It can be rigid, critical, and judgmental.
- Your right emotional module (Character 3) is your inner explorer — it’s open, playful, fearless, and creative. It experiences joy in the present moment and connects easily with others.
Since each hemisphere has its own emotional center, you can literally experience “mixed emotions.
Let’s dive into a little more detail:
Character 1: The Director (Left Thinking)
This is your Type A personality. Character 1 lives in your left cerebral cortex and is all about order, structure, and getting things done. This character:
- Thinks in language and linear time
- Organizes, categorizes, plans, and analyzes
- Defines boundaries between you and others
- Cares deeply about social norms of right/wrong, good/bad
- Is your ego-centered consciousness (the “me” that distinguishes you as an individual)
- Excels at creating systems, meeting deadlines, and directing people
In academic leadership, Character 1 is essential. This is the part of you that writes grants, organizes lab meetings, creates experimental protocols, and manages budgets. Character 1 is the voice saying “We need this done by Friday” and “Here’s the logical next step.”
When I’m in Character 1, I’m the PI who color-codes my calendar, creates detailed project timelines, and can rattle off exactly which samples are in which freezer box. My Character 1 (I call her “The Director”) is what got me through my Ph.D., secured my faculty position, and helps me run a productive lab.
Character 2: The Protector (Left Emotion)
But here’s where things get interesting (and where most of us get into trouble).
Character 2 lives in the left side of your limbic system where rapid emotional responses are processed. Because it’s paired with the left hemisphere that categorizes and stores memories, Character 2’s job is to keep you safe by learning from the past.
This character:
- Stores all your emotional pain, trauma, and past disappointments
- Generates anxiety about the future based on what went wrong before
- Reacts quickly when it perceives threat
- Can be rigid, cautious, critical, and fear-based
- Judges situations as safe/unsafe, right/wrong, superior/inferior
- Becomes activated when your ego or reputation feels threatened
Character 2 is your inner protector but also your inner critic. Character 2 developed to keep you alive as a separate being. It’s hypervigilant. It remembers every time you’ve been hurt, embarrassed, or threatened. And when it detects danger (real or perceived), it takes over.
This is where Mr. Hyde lives.
That night at 11 p.m. with the missing samples? Pure Character 2. My Protector was activated because:
- My reputation as a rigorous scientist felt threatened
- I was terrified of looking sloppy to reviewers
- Past experiences of things going wrong made me hypervigilant about this manuscript
- The missing samples represented a loss of control
When Character 2 is driving, you:
- Send messages you later regret
- Make harsh judgments about people’s competence or commitment
- Feel righteous anger (“I’m right, they’re wrong”)
- Become rigid and inflexible
- Focus on blame rather than solutions
- Micromanage because you don’t trust others
Sound familiar?
Now, maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “I’m not like that. I don’t send angry messages. I keep my cool.”
If so, your Protector might simply have learned a different defense mechanism.
There are two versions of Character 2 hijacking. The loud version looks like me at 11 p.m. firing off frustrated messages. But there’s also a quiet version. You appear calm and professional while resentment or anxiety builds inside. You nod in the meeting, then vent to your partner that night. You tell yourself you’re “picking your battles” while your jaw stays clenched for hours.
I went through a phase where I thought I’d solved my leadership problem by learning to hide my frustration. Keep it professional. Don’t let them see you’re upset. I genuinely believed this was progress.
It wasn’t. I’d just traded one hijacking for another.
The physiology is identical. The stress hormones still course through you. Your creative thinking still shuts down. And now there’s an added cost: the disconnect between what you’re showing and what you’re feeling. Your team can’t quite name it, but they sense something is off. That ambiguity can be more unsettling than a PI who’s clearly frustrated, because at least then people know where they stand.
Exploding or imploding. Either way, your Protector is in the driver’s seat.
Character 3: The Explorer (Right Emotion)
Now let’s shift to the right hemisphere, where everything feels completely different.
Character 3 lives in the right side of your limbic system. While it processes emotions just like Character 2, these emotions are completely different in nature. This character is:
- Expansive and open rather than constricted
- Fearless and willing to take risks
- Trusting and supportive of others
- Unconditionally loving and kind
- Grateful and creative
- Connected to the collective rather than isolated
- Able to go with the flow rather than needing control
Character 3 is the part of you that fell in love with science in the first place.
This is the researcher who gets excited about unexpected results, who brainstorms wild ideas at conferences, who stays late in the lab not because of a deadline but because the work is genuinely fascinating. Character 3 is spontaneous, collaborative, and emotionally available.
When I’m in Character 3, I’m the PI having energizing conversations with students about their career dreams, laughing with my team about failed experiments, feeling genuine wonder when data surprises us.
Character 4: The Connector (Right Thinking)
Finally, Character 4 resides in your right cerebral cortex. Unlike Character 1’s serial processing, Character 4 processes in parallel — taking in the whole picture at once. This character:
- Thinks in pictures and experiences rather than words
- Lives in the present moment, often losing track of time
- Looks at the big picture holistically rather than focusing on details
- Seeks similarities and connection rather than differences
- Is flexible, resilient, and open to possibilities
- Focuses on “we” rather than “me”
- Operates more unconsciously and fluidly than the structured left brain
Character 4 is the leader you aspire to be. It’s Dr. Jekyll the way I see the dude although he probably also is Character 1-informed. It’s hard to get your Ph.D. without Character 1.
This is the part that truly cares about your team’s growth, that can hold space for someone’s struggle without needing to fix it immediately, that sees the bigger picture of why this work matters. When you operate from Character 4, people feel genuinely seen and valued.
After Taylor’s stroke shut down her left hemisphere, she spent months existing primarily in Characters 3 and 4. She described it as profoundly peaceful (no internal chatter, no sense of time, no ego separation). Just present-moment awareness and connection to the expansive, blissful nature of the right brain.
While she worked hard to recover her left brain functions (you need Character 1 to function in the world!), she wanted to maintain the ability to choose which character to embody.
That’s the key insight: We’re not trying to eliminate any character. We’re trying to choose consciously instead of being hijacked unconsciously.
Why You Become Mr. Hyde: The Neural Pathway Under Stress
Here’s what was happening to me that night (and what happens to you when you’re blindsided by a problem):
Step 1: Perceived Threat My brain detected danger: missing data + looming deadline + threat to reputation = THREAT TO SURVIVAL (from my nervous system’s perspective)
Step 2: Character 2 Activation My left emotional brain jumped into the driver’s seat. Its job? Protect me at all costs.
Step 3: Neural Hijacking Character 2 flooded my system with stress hormones. My thinking narrowed. My creativity shut down. My empathy went offline. My Character 1 (The Director) got recruited to support Character 2’s mission: find the person responsible and make sure this never happens again.
Step 4: Reactive Behavior Frustrated messages. Blame. Rigid thinking. The gap between my values (compassionate, systems-thinking leader) and my behavior (angry, blaming, micromanaging).
Step 5: The Aftermath Hours later, when Character 2 finally calmed down, I felt exhausted and out of integrity. My team felt unsafe. Trust eroded. And the actual problem still needed solving, but now with damaged relationships.
But this loop is not inevitable.
In Research Leadership Mastery, we work on breaking this pattern and building the practical skills that let you lead the way you actually want to.
First, we take you out of reactive mode as your default work style. Most labs operate in constant firefighting because they don’t have systems that surface problems early. When your baseline is reactive, your threat-detection circuitry stays activated. When you build predictable work rhythms and clear systems, your nervous system calms down because there are fewer actual fires to put out.
This is intensely practical work. Have you ever asked yourself:
How do you stop spending half your week in meetings? (Before we even start, I’ll help you free up the time you invest in this course.)
How do you get your team to actually stick with the systems you build?
How do you raise standards without micromanaging?
How do you put people in charge and have them step up rather than wait for instructions?
Those are the questions that we will not only answer but build systems around in Leadership Mastery.
Second, we expand your capacity for emotional regulation and self-awareness. This doesn’t mean suppressing emotions or pretending your protective responses don’t exist. It means building awareness of your patterns while consciously choosing how you respond. You learn to pause before reacting, lead from your values instead of your fears, and access your creative, big-picture thinking even when things go wrong.
This is where you become the visionary, inspiring leader you want to be. Not just when things are going well, but especially when they’re not.
Third, we build the skills that translate insight into action. How do you give feedback that actually changes behavior? How do you get people fired up and self-motivated? How do you avoid conflict, or manage it when that train has already left the station?
Here’s the honest truth: A lot of the stuff that bugs you about your team is likely reflecting either a lack of skill or a lack of system on your end. That’s actually good news. It means you can fix it. So we start with you taking control of the things you can control, and the ripple effects through your team are remarkable.
Join Us for Research Leadership Mastery
If you’re tired of the gap between the leader you want to be and the leader who shows up under pressure, let’s talk.
The January cohort is open now. We start with a welcome call in December, giving you time to finish the semester and close out 2025. Then we hit the ground running in January with our Strategize 2026 Bootcamp (January 6-10, 2 hours/day). Past participants called this “life-changing” and “the best goal-setting process they’ve ever been part of.”
The cohort is limited to 12 participants. Most use startup funds, training grants, or professional development funds to cover the investment.
Reply to stefanie@stefanierobel.com to set up a quick 30min call to answer your questions and discuss your goals.
We’ll talk about your biggest leadership challenges, what’s not working in your lab right now, and whether RLM is the right fit.
The patterns don’t fix themselves. But they are fixable.
Stefanie
P.S. That manuscript crisis from years ago? We published. The paper is one I’m genuinely proud of. But more importantly, my lab works differently now. My team knows which version of me they’re going to get most of the time although I am not perfect. But at least I recognize pretty quickly when I am hijacked by fear. And I trained myself to use my tools to shift without shuffling the whole thing down. That’s not because I’m special. It’s because I learned how I actually work and built different strategies that better support my leadership. You can too.
