The Day I Broke Academia’s In‑House Only Rule

The growth I wanted wasn’t inside academia

“You could hire a graduate student for a year and a half for that amount of money.”

My department chair was looking at the invoice for my mastermind program. $50,000 for 2 years. He wasn’t being dismissive. He was doing the math. That’s real money.

But here’s what that grad student couldn’t do: help me bring in $6 million in funding within my first 2-3 years as faculty. My mastermind did.

This is the story of how I broke academia’s unspoken rule: that outsiders can’t possibly understand us–and why that decision changed everything about my career.

The Wake-Up Call

For a couple of years during my postdoc, my PI struggled to get funding. It was sobering to watch someone that successful and experienced hit wall after wall. I realized: if I want to succeed in this career, I must master this skill.

So I did something unconventional. I invested my own postdoc salary in grant writing training. Not a course at my university, but training from professionals whose main mission and product is to teach academics to write better grants.

The academic community’s response? Skeptical at best. After all, what could someone outside academia possibly teach us about writing grants?

To which I now respond: My first R01 scored in the 3rd percentile on the first round. My second R01 scored 3rd percentile on the second round.

But here’s what I learned: this wasn’t just about grant-writing techniques. It was about overcoming my fear of putting my thinking out there instead of holding onto what the field thinks. Technical skills and your internal blocks are equally important. Academic training only teaches us one of those.

Why I Kept Breaking the In-House Rule

That first success opened my eyes. The skills that give us an edge—leadership, strategic thinking, emotional regulation, scaling systems—we don’t learn these in academic training. And often, the best teachers aren’t within academia at all.

Over the next 13 years, I invested hundreds of thousands of dollars working with different coaches. Here’s what each type taught me:

A systems coach (former librarian): A few years into my faculty position, I missed a lecture (yeah, one I was supposed to give!) because I had 4 competing events on my calendar. That was my breaking point. She taught me email organization, time management, strategic risk planning. Before her, I kept thinking “it’s faster to just handle this myself right now.” And it was—in the moment. But on a 5-10 year timeline? All those moments add up to years of your life spent in reactive mode.

Entrepreneur communities: I spent time and still do in rooms with entrepreneurs and business leaders from tech, finance, healthcare, education. They think bigger, aren’t constrained by “what’s been done before,” and move faster. Academic conferences give you idea collision within your field. But cross-industry exposure? That’s where you learn to ask “what if we approached this entirely differently?” instead of “what’s the next logical step?”

A leadership coach from politics: She had what I can only describe as badass people-influencing skills. With her help, I started an advisory board at my institution to balance the all-senior-white-male executive leadership. She taught me that technical excellence isn’t enough—you need to understand power dynamics and how to build coalitions even when (or rather especially when) you’re the most junior person in the room.

Life coaches without conflict of interest: Academic mentors, even well-meaning ones, usually have a stake in your performance. Example: Chairs want you to write grants immediately. It looks good for their metrics. My life coach proposed something different: strategically use my start-up and take a year to work on data while thinking about the science more deeply. The result? I reduced time writing and rewriting grants, went after the right opportunities at the right time, and got funded faster.

The $50K Mastermind That Changed Everything

The investment my chair questioned was a mastermind with like-minded faculty who wanted it all: a thriving career AND a fun life. High-quality, high-impact work without sacrificing relationships, health, or sanity.

Unlike traditional mentorship where wisdom flows one direction, masterminds create collective intelligence. The combined expertise of the group went beyond what any single coach offers (really masterminds and coaching are two different beasts).

That mastermind encouraged me to pursue opportunities I thought I wasn’t ready for. Gave me the courage to convince much more senior colleagues to restructure grants to better fit RFAs, even when I felt like “who am I to tell them?”

I learned something crucial: stressors I thought were specific to being pre-tenure exist for people at all career stages. If I didn’t take charge of them then, they would spiral as I scaled.

I stopped playing not to lose. I started playing to win.

But sometimes life happens. I forget to not just check boxes to be comfortable. And that is when coaches are really helpful to hold up a mirror, discuss strategy, hold you accountable or hold your hand. It all depends on what you need in the moment.

The Shifts That Actually Matter

These transformations didn’t happen because I worked harder or waited for more experience. They happened because I had the right support at the right time:

From stress-proof to stress-aware: My team used to see me as unflappable. The truth? I was internalizing all of it. They didn’t see the stress, but they felt me being distant and less available. Coaching taught me the art of being authentic without oversharing. Now I can say “I’m feeling stressed about this deadline—I need focused work time today” without unloading emotional baggage that isn’t theirs to carry.

From playing not to lose to playing to win: Early in my career, I asked: “What boxes do I need to check to get promoted?” Everything was extrinsic. Coaching helped me shift to: “What impact do I want to make, and what’s the strategy to get there?” That shift changes what opportunities you see, what you’re willing to try, how your team experiences working with you.

From operator to owner: I had a rule: You can’t expect others to do what you aren’t willing to do. Coaching pushed me hardest here: to be effective, I can’t do everything I expect others to do. My role is different. This shift changed how I lead and scale.

“But I Don’t Have Time for Coaching”

I hear you. That’s exactly what I thought. Sometimes still do when I see the time on my calendar.

Here’s the mental math that changes my mind: I look at colleagues 10, 15, 20 years ahead of me. Most are still operating in constant emergency mode—just with bigger emergencies. So many have health issues now, and I can’t help but wonder how much chronic stress contributes?

Here’s the refrain I’d told myself: “I’ll set up better systems once I get this big grant or once I get tenure.” But later rarely came.

So I asked myself: On a 5-10 year timeline, is it still going to be faster to handle emergencies as they come? Or would I save time—and my health—by building a proper foundation now?

That question changed a lot!

Leading by trial and error is costly. It erodes relationships. It costs you opportunities. And it takes a toll on your health that compounds over time.

The question isn’t whether you have time for coaching. It’s: How much longer are you willing to tolerate operating in constant emergency mode?

Why I Built Research Leadership Mastery This Way

After 13 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars invested in coaching, I kept coming back to one realization: none of my transformations would have happened with just one element alone.

The grant writing content wouldn’t have helped without coaching to work through my blocks. The mastermind wouldn’t have been as powerful without strategic content about scaling. The coaching wouldn’t have stuck without community accountability.

I needed all three: content, community, and coaching.

That’s exactly how I built Research Leadership Mastery—so you can get the abbreviated version of what I did without 13 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Strategic content on the skills they don’t teach in academic training: systems thinking, strategic thinking, emotional regulation, business acumen. Not nice-to-haves. These are the skills that determine whether you build a career you love or one you’re just surviving.

Community that creates collective intelligence. When five people share different approaches to the same challenge, you have multiple strategies instead of one prescription. And it’s easier to feel courageous when you know people have your back.

Coaching that helps you actually implement what you’re learning. You get specific tools to work through your blocks, emotions, and lifelong patterns. Someone in your corner who believes in you when you don’t believe in yourself, who can tell you the hard things you need to hear.

The Bottom Line

That $50,000 my chair questioned? It was the best investment I ever made.

Obviously not because it replaced a grad student although they can be stressful. Just kidding… It made me a better leader, scientist, and human. It also was a lot of fun! Some of these people are still friends I text with every week or meet up with regularly.

But here’s the measure that matters most: the first two postdocs who helped build my lab, now have their own faculty positions. The leadership culture we built together, the psychological safety, the clear boundaries. That’s now rippling out through their labs too.

That’s not just my transformation. That’s the compounding impact of breaking academia’s in-house rule and showing up as a better leader.

You don’t need 13 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars to figure this out.

I designed Research Leadership Mastery because I kept meeting brilliant scientists who were struggling with the same things I struggled with. People who wanted to do meaningful work without sacrificing their relationships. Who wanted to lead teams well, not just productively. Who wanted a career that felt like winning, not just surviving.

This program is deeply personal to me. That’s why I’m coaching it myself this year. And because I want to update the content based on what we know now about leading fabulous teams and building careers that work in all the arenas that matter: science, mentorship, family, friendships, the life you actually want to live.

If this story resonates with you, if you’re tired of operating in emergency mode, or ready to stop choosing between great science and a great life, let’s talk.

I offer 30-minute coffee chats because this work is too important to me to be a one-size-fits-all solution. I want to understand what you’re dealing with and whether Research Leadership Mastery is actually the right fit for where you are right now.

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